X men Road Trip Stupidity
by orchadlo667
Summary: A few x-men, Alcolytes, and Brotherhood members go on a road trip to Cali. But why? Find out inside! Compleate stupidity & randomness! Kurtty, Romy, BobbyJubes PyroAmara OcAmara
1. Default Chapter

Ahem....  
  
Wooho!! My second fic!!!  
  
Okay in this fic the Some X-men, Alcolytes, and brotherhood members go on a road trip Yay!!!  
  
People Trippin'/ Couples:  
  
Kurt/Kitty  
  
Rouge/Remy  
  
Bobby/Jubilee  
  
Pyro/Amara  
  
Todd/Wanda (just cuz i think its in a strange deranged way funny.)  
  
Lance (to be tourcured by a certain elf)   
  
Pietro  
  
Scott  
  
Jean (Possibly Jott)  
  
Gir/Random Hoes  
  
Ian (My OC)/Amara  
  
Notes: Theres gonna be a strange Amara/Pyro/Ian love triangle goin on here so fun shall ensue  
  
Ian is only parially sane which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more then anyon else on this list so feel free to help me out on the craziness level.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kurt walked down the hall like the angsty-fluffy bunny he is.  
  
"I AM NOT A BUNNY"  
  
Oh yes, yes you are.  
  
"NO I AM NOT!!!"  
  
Who a cute bunny.  
  
"NOT ME, CUZ I AM NOT A BUNNY!!!"  
  
Who wants a carrot?  
  
"I AM N- Ohhhh! Carrots!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kitty sat in the kitchen do- Hey! Wait a minute!  
  
*Camera zooms by a whole bunch of random scenes, sops, goes back and focuses on Pietro putting makeup on in the mirror.*  
  
"I'm not gay." Pietro said firmly.  
  
*The camera starts up again and stops on a certain blue elf.*  
  
What's the matter fluffy bunny?   
  
"Kitty doesn't love me." Kurt stated sadly.  
  
Well duh you ain't exactly bein' social sittin round here being all angst-riddin.  
  
Kurt sighed.  
  
Don't you think I have a little influence here? I am the author ya know.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
"What about Lance?"  
  
Taken care of.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Scott walked into the rec. room and everyone looked up. There was something different about him. No one could quite put their finger on it. Mabye it was the mink coat? Or the perm? The gold teeth? Oh, yup. It was the gold teeth.  
  
"Okay everyone," Scott started. "Pack your things. We are headed to California."  
  
Now usually at a statement like this would have the students at Xaiver's Institute for gifted youngsters jumping for joy. But since the "incident" everyone was a bit more cautious.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
A happy little fieldtrip to the circus for all the students. Everything is going somoothly until, out of nowhere Neil Dimond appears. He sprint around the corner with Jack Black close behind.  
  
"Neil! I love you!" Jack shouts. Suddenly Bizarre from D-12 appears!  
  
God dammit I'm sick of this group  
  
Time for me to go solo and make some loop  
  
I told you I made the beats and wrote all the raps  
  
Till Kon Artis slipped me some crack  
  
Lose Yourself video I was in the back  
  
Superman video I was in the back  
  
Fuck the media, I got some suggestions  
  
Fuck Marshall, ask us the questions  
  
Like who's D12, how we get started  
  
(What about Eminem?)  
  
Bitch are you retarded?  
  
Anyway I'm the popularest guy in the group  
  
Big ass stomache, bitches think I'm cute  
  
50 told me to do situps to get buff  
  
I did two and a half and then I couldn't get up  
  
Fuck D12, I'm outta this band  
  
I'm gonna start a group with the real Roxanne  
  
Eminem then pops out of nowhere with the backstreet boys instead of D-12 and starts singing.  
  
Girl why cant you see your the only one for me  
  
and it just tears my ass apart to know that you dont know my band...  
  
Suddenly the Professor whips out an M-4 and shoots every one up.  
  
"MEET MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!"  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
Everyone shivers at the memory. Except for Ian he didn't know what was going on.  
  
"Come on guys! Did you hear him!" Ian stood up. "We're going to Cali!"  
  
Amara put her hand on his shouder and shook her head. "we haven't heard everything yet. Um Scott?"  
  
"Yea Amara?"  
  
"WHY are we going to California?"  
  
"Well, because me and Girs hoes are located there. We be pimpin." Scott stated.  
  
Amara nodded her head knowingly.  
  
"Where did you get hoes?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Buy-a-hoe.net"  
  
"Ah yes. That's a good site, but I find better prices at ehoe.com."  
  
o_O  
  
"What?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
okay thats the first chapter. second shall come with 5 reveiws. Suggestions welcome. 


	2. who let HIM drive?

Chapter 2!!!   
  
Yea....   
  
Ians power is taking mutant abilities from other mutants for a short period of time but unlike rouge he doesnt have to touch them and he doesnt drain them of energy. And if he concentrates he can use other peoples powers without rendering them powerless.   
  
And the adventure begins!   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
"And the adventure begins!" Scott shouted as he started the bus. They rented a tour bus so they all could fit together. That, and it looked spiffy. (Quick discription of it picture Ozzy's. ya know with the bedroom and the stove and the bigscreen tvs. But in the bedroom there are eight small beds. hey the professor's loaded. y not take advantage of a good thing right?)   
  
o_O   
  
"Who let him drive?" Jubilee shouted.   
  
"Not me." Was the unaniamous answer.   
  
"Then what shall we do about this problem?" Jubilee asked. Everyone thought for a second and then turned to where Scott was sitting in the driver seat, turning the wheel vigorously making screeching sounds. He stopped, sensing people staring at him, and turned.   
  
)  
  
"Uh, oh."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
"Okay now that thats taken care of, we need a driver,"  
  
"Come on guys it's really boring in here..." a muffled voice said from a nearby closet.   
  
"Ugh fine." Jubilee thought for a second and then turned to Jean.   
  
"What? Oh no! No way!" But it was too late. Pietro scooped her up and locked her in the closet. Then Ian used his powers to take Jean's powers so she couldn't get out by using her Telekinisis.   
  
"Ugh, this sucks." Jean said from inside the closet.   
  
"Now we need a driver." Once agian a thought session occured. Then Pietro zipped out and came back a few moments later with Jack Black. The ultimate bus driver!   
  
"Very good," Amara said. "now we are on our way."  
  
"I love how you take control Sheila." John said walking over to Amara, but Ian got in his way.   
  
"Woah back up, buddy." Ian said "What do you think you're doing?"   
  
"I'm gonna kiss me girl, whats it to you?"   
  
"YOUR girl?"   
  
"Yeah Mate, MY girl. She told me the other day I was her one and only somebody."   
  
"But she told ME the other day I was her one and only somebody." They both turned to Amara who had a guilty look on her face and her hands behind her back.   
  
"Oh.................Comon guys............ummmm.............can't you both be my one and only somebody?"   
  
"Dude," Jack said from the front. "Isn't one and only like....one.........................................and only?"   
  
Everyone chose to ignore this.   
  
"Comon guys, let's do something fun." Todd sugested.  
  
"Oh Todd," Wanda said. "I just love how YOU take control!"   
  
"You do?" Todd asked.   
  
"You do?" everyone else simutaneoulsy asked.   
  
"Yes, come here I want to show you something." She said. She led him into the bathroom and locked the door.   
  
Bobby's eye started twitching.  
  
"Does...............Not..............compute." Lance spat out "OVERLOAD, OVERLOAD SELF DESTRUCT IN TEN SECONDS"   
  
John was grabbing his head and rolling on the floor.   
  
Ian was balled up in the fetal position in the corner.   
  
Pietro was crying in one of the beds.   
  
Remy was trying to climb into the oven.   
  
Kurt was hopping around and eatting carrots.   
  
The girls just stood and watched as the the boy's tiny brains suffered to compute the small amount of logic in what just happened into a reason it just happened.   
  
"What should we do about these guys?" Kitty asked.  
  
"Hmmmmmmmm" all the girls said.   
  
"I say we taser 'em." Rouge suggested.   
  
"Sweeeeeeeeeet." All the girls whipped out thier handy-dandy tasers and where about to get to work when,   
  
"SCOTT! THAT HAD BETTER BE YOUR HAND!!"  
  
...  
  
...   
  
...  
  
...   
  
...  
  
...  
  
...   
  
...   
  
"What if it's not?"   
  
::SHUDDER::   
  
*~*~*~*Two Hours Later*~*~*~*   
  
After much shocking the boys had been awoken.   
  
"Man I need t go to the bathroom." John said. He got up and walked over to the door. He brought his fist up to knock but before he could,   
  
"TODD!"  
  
::SHUDDER::  
  
::SHUDDER::  
  
::SHUDDER::   
  
Just one more   
  
::SHUDDER::   
  
Okay I think after a few years of thearapy I'll be good.   
  
John stood compleatly rock solid. The only thing diffrent was that his eyes were the size of dinner plates. He recovered a few seconds later and ran to the front.   
  
"Hey mate, could we pull over for a sec I need to find a bathroom, and the one back there ain't sainitary."  
  
"Okey, dokey." Jack pulled over and evryone poured off the bus.  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...   
  
"Dear sweet mother of god...." Bobby gasped. "We're in Southern Jersey."   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
Poor ppl. o well! r&r plez! 


	3. Souther Jersey

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...  
  
Sorry.  
  
I would do personalized thankyous to my reveiwers but i did and i cant find the document i did them on and im too tired to do em' again.  
  
To ppl from souther new jersey i apologize i just needed a place to poke fun at. this is actually a whole bunch of towns in washington, idaho,and canada i went to over the summer, crammed into one horrible little place i made up in my mind :) enjoy  
  
ps- if you belive some of this stuff i put in here then you are exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxtttttttttrreeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmllllllllllyyyyy gulible. enen more so then me, and my friends once almost got me to belive my bus driver was in annie.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay everyone don't make any sudden movements and stay together." Bobby requested slowly and carefully. "And, John, will you get off that dumb thing!"  
  
"WOOOOHHHOOOO!!!!" John shouted, sitting on one of those little rides they put outside grocery stores.  
  
"Mon ami, dat ting ain't even movin'" Remy informed John.  
  
"Oh, would you look at that. Ok, wheres that quarter slot?" John inspected the small vehicle until he came across a rather large hole in the side with small print above it. It looked just like a quarter slot on a gumball machine but the place you usually put the quarter in was large and round. John began to read it out loud.  
  
"Place one human organ inside hole for two rides. Liver, Spleen and Lungs accepted. Please, no veins." John finished. He stared blankly for a few minutes, then said, "I have two lungs right?" Remy walked over and slung John over his shoulder.  
  
"Shall ve continue now?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Sure," Bobby said. "Let's find some place to eat."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~* 10 min. later  
  
The group of mutants stood between two buildings looking from sign to sign.  
  
"So," Pietro said. "Which shall it be, Rusty's Spit Box, or Three Fingered Jack's Outhouse?"   
  
"Ummmm," Ian said inteligently. "How bout' we split up and take a look inside both places."  
  
"Okay," Jubilee responded. " Remy, Kurt, Kitty, Rouge, Jean, Gir and Scott will go to Jack's, and me, Bobby, Lance, Pyro, Ian, Amara, and Pietro will go to Rusty's." (A/N Todd and Wanda are back in the Bus doin whatever your imagination can materialize.) Then they went their seperate ways.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~* Jack's  
  
Remy, Kurt, Kitty, Rouge, Gir, Jean, and Scott walked into the small resturant. The place was what looked like a knock-off of an old seventies diner. It had bad music playing, crusty red and white wallpapering, cracking linolium floors and not too kindly-looking service. Remy, Rouge, Kurt, and Kitty climbed into one rotting booth and Jean, Scott, and Gir climbed in another. A woman in her late fourties with a rather large mole on her chin, overdone makeup, and bad hair walked over to the booths carringing some menus.   
  
"Here," She said tossing some crippled menus onto the the table.   
  
"We don't have that many so your gonna have to share." She tossed over her shoulder carelessly while walking away.  
  
Rouge and Remy fumbled with one while Kurt and Kitty each had their own.  
  
"The....uhhh.....crispitos look....utterly horrifying." Kitty stated. "While the raw french fries look just a normaly amount horrifying."  
  
"Uhhh, Miss?" Jean called the waiteress over.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well I was wondering if we could get some drinks."  
  
"Hah!" The waitress laughed. Everyone exchanged looks. When the waitress's laughing died down she looked at them. "Ohhhhhh, you're serious. Ya must not be from around here. Fine, fine, I'll get you some drinks, you're highness."  
  
"Can I get a diet-" But before Jean could finish the waitress had left. She came back a few moments later with some mucky-looking water. She turned and was about to leave when Scott's pimp-mode swiched on. And boy was it kicked into high-gear.  
  
"Yo, waitress," Scott stood up. Everyone put their heads in their hands and thought the same thing. 'Here he goes again.'  
  
"Yes......." The waitress asked.  
  
"I demand I be served Pimp-Juice in my Pimp-Glass and nothing less." Scott stated firmly.  
  
"Well, if you don't shut up I'm gonna put a pimp-lugi in your pimp-food."  
  
"Not until I am served my Pimp-Juice in my Pimp-Glass!"  
  
  
  
"Well, that's too bad, so you better sit you pimp-ass down before I kick the pimp-crap out of it."  
  
"Hey, you're pretty good at this. Have you ever considered being a bitch full-time I always have openings."  
  
"That's it pretty-boy, we're takin' this outside."  
  
"Fine by me."  
  
"Scott," Jean said when the waitress left to go waitout side. "You know shes going to kick the crap out of your sorry ass, right?"  
  
"Come on Jean have a little faith in a guy, will ya?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*Meanwhile at Rusty's  
  
Bobby, Lance, Jubilee, Pyro, Ian, Amara, and Pietro all walked into the small badly-lit diner. Diner was being optimistic about this place. There were a few booths in the back but in the front, right when you walked in to your left was a long bar table with stools and ten rather large men sittin on some of them. To the right were two old-beaten up pool tables with a small red lamp hanging down from the ceiling over them. Besides for the flicker of the tv and a few stray wall-lamps, thats all the light that was in there. The place was also clouded heavely with smoke and dust floating though the air.  
  
They walked slowly into the bar and everyone stopped what they were doing and watched them. Including th bartender. they all walked rather quickly to the booths.  
  
"Ug, this place is so creeping me out." Amara said. Both Ian and Pyro put their arms around her at the same time. They then glare at each other.  
  
"Kay, how bout I go get drinks." Bobby voulentered.  
  
"Yea, I'll go too." Lance said and followed Bobby.  
  
"Twenty bucks says they won't last out there five minutes." Juiblee said as soon as they left.  
  
"Hah," Pietro said taking out his wallet. "twenty says alot shorter then that, sweetie."  
  
*~*~**~*~*~* At the bar  
  
Lance and Bobby walked up to the bar slowly and cautiously.   
  
"Crieky," Bobby started saying when he tought no one but Lance could hear him, on acount of the bad music that had started softly playing out of the old machine in the corner. "What we have here ar some grade A, prime New Jersey beef."  
  
"Bobby," Lance said in a warning tone. "Don't get us in trouble here."  
  
"Aw come on," Bobby said. "You need to lighin up, you want to get in trouble everywhere else we go." Bobby punced him on the arm playfully. Suddenly he was met with a rifle to his head.  
  
"Ok, buddy," The bartender said. "I don't want any trouble here."  
  
"I-I was j-just kidding around." Bobby stuttered.  
  
"Let's keep it that way." The bartender lowered his gun. "Now, what do you want?"  
  
"Ummm, how much is a drink?" Bobby asked. The bartender looked between the two of them.  
  
"Five bucks." The bartender said. Bobby and Lance moved backed to converse quietly.  
  
"How much you got?" Bobby asked   
  
"Ten bucks." Lance said. Bobby looked at him for a few seconds wondering why in the world Lance would admit to having money in front of 'the Bobby' himself. Bobby was almost insulted. Did this guy not know Bobby was a master manipulator? But then he got an idea.  
  
"Well I got nothin, so the others will just have to deal." Bobby said. They walked up to the bar and ordered two Cokes.  
  
One rather large trucker turned to Lance and told him he had 'Purtty' hair. When Lance said thank you everyone started laughing, but not kindly, just at his stupidity.  
  
Bobby was about to take a drink when he overheard a converstaion going on.  
  
"Yeah I heard that the police found a buried body in town."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"In this town," Bobby muttered "You'd be lucky if it's not Jimmy Hoffa."  
  
"What's that city slicker?" One of the bigger guys shouted at Bobby. Everyone who was playing pool, drinking at the bar, or talking abrubtly stopped and turned to Bobby.  
  
"YES!! Three miutes!!!" Pyro shouted. Everyone looked at him for a second while he was dancing around muttering lyrics to Celebration.  
  
"So you think you're too good for this town?" The trucker got up and pushed Bobby to the middle of the floor.  
  
"Well you may not be from around here but-" He was cut short by Jubilee's fist planting itself firmly in his jaw.  
  
"RUN!!" She shouted.  
  
What followed was a huge mashpit of everyone in the bar swinging at each other with their fists and some had pool sticks.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The bus  
  
"Man, am I hungry." Jaime said climbing out of the cabnit.  
  
He looked around the cabnits but found nothing. He opened some random doors. And knowing nothing of what was going on inside, opened up the bathroom door.  
  
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*  
  
Scott and everyone else in the diner exited, and looked over to the side to see tons of people swarming out of the bar. Amoung them being Bobby, Lance, Jubilee, Pyro, Ian, Amara, and Pietro.  
  
Everyone completley silenced for a moment looking at each other.  
  
"MY EYES!!!!!!!" Jaime came running off the bus covering his eyes with his hands.   
  
"To the bus!" Jubilee shouted, plowing anyone in her way down.  
  
They all piled on to the bus as quickly as possible and looked around.  
  
"Where's Jack?" Amara shouted.  
  
The residents of Southern Jersey were banging on the bus loudly.  
  
"We've gaht ta go!" Rouge shoted and turned on the bus and started driving slowly. Then they turned and saw Jack banging on the bus door with one hand and holing up his pants with the other. They opened the door and let him on, still moving.  
  
"Well that wasn't such a bad place." Jack said.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
whew ok now im tired. R&R plez!!!!!! 


End file.
